No Longer Human

Did I ever tell you who I really am?
I do not know if I did.
The truth, as it is, was told.
But still, did you ever know?

You saw me smiling, laughing, lonely.
You never asked why.
You never looked beyond the mask.
And that is what broke your heart.

Part of me would hate you.
But another part of me can not.
Business as usual, I am divided;
My soul torn between Heaven and Hell.

I loved you, did you know that.
At least, I thought it was love.
You loved me, at least I thought so.
Perhaps I was wrong.

A kiss. A grope. Passionate sex.
Good times, bad times, losing time.
These were our memories, our lives.
And with a sentence, they were tarnished.

Since then one day bleeds into the next.
Bright spots flickering in front of my eyes.
Passing events, some great, some terrible.
And a memory before you, my definition.

Choking, unable to breathe, screaming.
Hand around the flesh, constricting.
I wake up, and the scream still surrounds me.
I close my eyes, and still, she is there!

It is here I understand who and what I am.
A defining moment, injuring the mortal
Leaving behind the echoes of humanity.
And now, only now do I see the truth.

It is my humanity that you could not love.
For my anger is something dark and dangerous.
My love something hurt and forgotten.
The screams still shattering my sundered soul.

I am many things. So many, many things.
I am the man who made you laugh.
I am the man who was there for you.
And yet nothing really matters.

Important lessons I learned from you.
And I am always quick to learn.
These lessons lead to new rules,
New codes, new laws, new oaths.

No angel am I, but Hell has no cell for me.
I am a ghost of a man, a broken shell,
A hollow husk, a shambling ruin.
And yet... fragments of a soul do linger.